How HGTV ruined my life

For 5 1/2 years, I lived peacefully in my condo, never watching HGTV. But once I signed the offer of purchase and sale on this money pit, I immediately tuned in. I even got a subscription to Style at Home magazine. It started innocently enough with some paint, the odd piece of furniture, and making my own headboard, but then the shows made me believe that I could actually renovate the house myself. Watching real people framing, tiling and drywalling, I could see myself doing it too. So, against the sage advice of my friend Matthew, I didn't hire a contractor and began this bathroom reno on my own. This has resulted in many sacrifices, including holidays spent at home, the cancellation of my Saturday squash games, and not having a shower in my own home. Plus I've lost the ability to carry on a decent conversation, with all topics leading to renovation. I call the HGTV personalities by their first names, as if they are people I actually know. I've become a tired bore, and I blame it on HGTV. With their 24 hour programming of all things reno, my reality has been warped so that I'm not happy with anything in my home and I am in a state of inflated confidence, thinking that I can build it myself.

I guess that it could be worse. If my vice was Slice, I would be on multiple diets, planning an outrageous wedding, and addicted to plastic surgery. Or if I got hooked on Mystery TV, I would have a collection of spy tools and be registered in an online University program in forensic science. Or if I was hooked on the Canadian/American Idol franchise, I could be terrorizing the neighbourhood with my song stylings, believing that I too can be the next big thing.

Reality TV is evil. I must unplug myself from it and start living again, rather than watching other people "living" in the shadow of a boom microphone. I miss the days of good drama. Last year's actors strike gave reality TV a boost and gave me the boot. I don't usually make New Year's resolutions, but I think that I've found a good one for this year! I'm going cold turkey in 2009.